April 14, 2006
OREM, Utah – After exhaustive testing and retesting, 10x Marketing announced Friday that the results of their Hartman Personality Profile testing had come back negative.
“Sadly,” reports el presidente Curt Porritt, “it appears that we have no personalities.”
Darryl Jacques, Client Happiness Specialist and All-around Go-to Guy, cited flaws in the test as the source of the anomaly. “It asks you to pick one characteristic from a group of four totally unrelated characteristics. Isn’t it possible to be impatient, impulsive, moody and passive? I mean, they’re not mutually exclusive.” However, the testing proved that even a sprained ankle was not enough to guarantee personality.
One notable exception was Web Content Specialist Mark Montie. When asked about Montie, Senior Technologist Tom Dalton replied, “That comic strip! It’s pure genius! I could only be more enthusiastic about it if I’d made it myself. Or if we had some nice, solid SiteCatalyst data to support my opinion.”
“I’m just glad we’re done with testing,” says Montie. “The whole ‘Would you guys say I’m more critical of others or obnoxious?’ thing was getting annoying.”
Montie stated that he wasn’t necessarily pleased with his positive results. “I just know that some emulous employees are going to end up dragooning me here without any doogh. It’s not so easy being envied.”
Lead Writer Marci Crane disagreed. She told Montie, “Your sad devotion to that ancient test hasn’t helped you conjure up #1 Google rankings, nor given you clairvoyance enough to find another gag for your comic strip.”
In unrelated news, April had the lowest level of interest generated since the recent iMONTH, Itsenäisyyspäivä. While 10x considered canceling yet another month, eventually the higher ups thought better of such an action.
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