28 November 2005
OREM, UT – The tippy top Internet marketing firm 10x Marketing announced today that the entire month of December would be cancelled, citing "general lack of interest" as the reason.
"Really, no one wants to work between Thanksgiving and Christmas anyway," reasoned el presidente Curt Porritt. "Rather than allowing our productivity to suffer for several weeks, we've decided to suspend all activities worldwide for the month of December. In fact, we're calling off the month altogether."
Tom Dalton, Director of Research and Development, supported the company's announcement with cold, hard facts. "We don't think that anyone is really using the Internet during this time of year," said Dalton, declining to use the name of the cancelled month. "Besides, no one wants to come in to work when it's snowing huge gobs of snow all day long. It's far too dangerous to have our valued employees driving in these hazardous conditions. It's also too risky to telecommute in this weather. We'd all be better off canceling the rest of the year." Dalton cited these cold, hard facts as being worth 1/16 of an opinion.
As for the planned holidays in the cancelled month, Business Development Manager John Johannesmeyer proposed the following plan, which he called the iMONTH. "10x Marketing intends the excess 31 days created by this change to be an extended holiday season. Gift giving will extend throughout the season, possibly reaching a climax near the end of the holiday period. Feel free to continue to worship and celebrate in whatever tradition, religious or nonreligious, that you feel appropriate for this holiday season. We'd like to especially emphasize spending time with family and avoiding travel in areas where conditions do not permit."
As for the proper name for the remainder of 2005, there were a few suggestions. The general title of "holiday season" would be preferable to "holiday month." The name iMONTH is considered appropriate, as is Itsenäisyyspäivä, from a Finnish holiday occurring during this season. However, 10x eschews the usage of such terms as "December," "Decemberween," and "Nancy" to refer to this time period.
The year 2006 will begin with January approximately 1 Jan 2006, despite the fact that no one is really interested in next year either.
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